This will be my last post. I've realised that it's not so fun to write on a blog. I remember when i first started a blog, it was because atem, yana and i needed some medium where we could always update each other on whatever was going on in our lives - because we never got to meet up after form 5.

Anyway, i've gone back to the old-fashioned way of writing in a diary :). It's tiring on the hands, but it has it's perks too :)


p.s Happy New Year!! And i saw Redza walk (finally!!!) yesterday ~~lalala

The previous week has been really taxing on me. As optimistic as i usually was, i was finding it really hard to keep myself afloat. Lately, i've been speaking to a few people and we were contemplating why most of us seemed to have lost our drive to work hard and perform well. You can ask me a thousand times and i'll say over and over again that i'm totally loving NS. Bile bace buku neuroscience, i'm just awed at times by it's brilliance. Overwhelming as it is, it is also interesting as hell. But honest to god, i can't seem to apply this interest during my weekly exams. I feel so bored of the weekly exams.And before i get to feeling totally indifferent about it, i think i should do something.

And i think i found part of the answer during the weekend. :) Not exactly about how to get excited about weekly assessments but about sustaining my inner drive and motivation.

p.s will have to continue later. anatomy beckons :)

Bite sized nuggets

My friends have started complaining that i don't update them anymore whether by phone or blogging. Hee...sorry. I'm guilty as charged. I seriously have been a bit AWOL with you guys. But i'm making up for it. I'm going to cram up as much stuff as possible in this post k. (Atem:i did reply you real fast that day though :P)

All you need to know in bite sized info:

1. LTDJ is in a month or so and it's keeping me busy as hell. Am i enjoying my work as the secretary? I'm not going to lie, it goes right up my alley. But do i want to do it again? Not for a long while..

2. I'm excited about our motivational program for LTDJ. I'm excited to learn the modules from Khalifah Institute. And i hope that if we do well, we can set up our own motivation unit. There's a lot i need to learn when it comes to this field, but i have a outcome i've set in my mind, something i'd like to see happen in the future. So if i need to take baby steps to get there, i'm all for it.

3.I've lost interest in something and i'm making efforts to gain it back, insya-Allah

4. I'm in love with the brain :p. CNS has been great so far. The brain in itself is a huge topic and nothing fails to amaze me.

5.I found out that my brain is more concrete sequential dominant and that i don't like risks and that i need to be more random. No surprises there.

6. My nephew Redza makes me smile like a crazy person when im alone. I miss him terribly all the time and am constantly worried he'll forget me whenever i don't see him for a few weeks. He claps when you show him a piccie of a baby clapping! And dances!And still sleeps in weird positions.

7.I can't wait for January to come cause there are so many things i want to start.

8.I have successfully reduced the number of hours i need to sleep in a day.

9.I'm reading books by Torey Hayden and am so in awe of her. I think Maya would be perfect doing what Torey does.

10. I know and love my housemates more.The house is always filled with laughter, even when there's a quarrel going on. :P

11. I still don't have a boyfriend.So i think i'll win the bet :p

11. I miss you guys loads and i wish i could be telling you guys all this in person :).

I'm so tired nowadays. Seriously, i always seem to be lacking of sleep, there always seems to be something that needs to be done, my planner lists one meeting after another...and materials that need to be studied keep piling up.

I think that i may have bitten off more than i can chew. Tapi Prof.Latiff always says and my sister always reminds me that ' A Muslim never rests until he/she is in the grave' and i do think that too a certain point all these things i'm involved in are important to me and for me.

But when you have too many of these stuff, you kind of have to start prioritizing. And i think I've a least let one very important responsibility of mine slip by, and it's been bugging me for the last few weeks.

So i decided it was time for some spring cleaning.And so i made a list. And i scratched out some things from the list. And i do feel a bit better, if only a bit.

p.s I failed for the very first time. Hemato dapat 48. Bayangkanlah, 85% of the class failed. When the failure rate is that high, i have to say, i don't think the problem lies with the students...But back on the subject of me failing for the first time, i'm proud to say i didn't go into shock or anything :p

p.p.s I went for the ESQ leadership training. I found the content refreshing, interesting and definitely the best among any motivation/ leadership courses ive been to so far. But the way they decided to present the information...let's just say at times i felt traumatized + horrified. Tapi kite amik dgn kite bende yg baik saja, n there were loads of good stuff to learn from this programme.

p.p.p.s I'm getting tired of placing my confidence and giving my support to certain people. Rasenye cam lately, i've been making up too many excuses to cover their faults.

Randoms

I read about the 'cow-head' demonstration thingy everyday and it angers and embarrasses me how stupid and ignorant some people are. How some people claim they know Islam yet do stuff that is totally against what it teaches. Watching the council meeting video and Hishamuddin's press conference i'm only left with disgust and a certain sense of sadness.

We talked about tolerance that day. Because we see less and less of it being practiced. And i don't agree with what you think. That tolerating something you don't agree with means being weak, giving in.

(Fight in the cause of Allah those who fight you, but do not transgress limits; for Allah loves not transgressors) (Al-Baqarah 2:190)

Intermission

I haven't written in ages. Not because i have nothing to say but i'm having trouble sorting out my thoughts - and there are so many of them going through my mind.

Trust me to use the few hours before my final exam to sneak in a post :p. This is so weird - I'm feeling relaxed and happy...yet the numerous papers strewn around my mattress signals to me that I'm not supposed to. My mind is definitely not on this final exam.

You know, it's so weird ~ this block has been one of the most challenging ones so far, what with the missed classes, the asthma attacks, the added tasks tapi I think it would be hard for me to pinpoint a day where i didn't go to bed feeling happy.I guess while i had all these other things that were seemingly bringing me up, i also had a myriad of other things that were boosting me up :) As usual, God works in mysterious ways.

This recent phase of complacency is a bit troubling tapi some people tell me it's a good thing for me.

So much to say! But i should stop now.

p.s My mum datang esok!

Post - Quarantine

Being quarantined leaves you with loads of time. Time which should be used for example, on studying the sgt banyak topics of anatomy for respi. But there's only so much anatomy i can take before my mind starts rejecting terms like rima glottidis and arytenoids.

So i had time to think. And write. And make lists. And look back on lists i made before. I found a list i made during the early part of 1st year, and one i made about 2 months ago. What struck me was the total contrast between the two lists, which listed things i wanted to do or complete - which mirrored my priorities during those two periods. Agak best to see my different states of mind :)

Anyway, i think this quarantine was a blessing in disguise. One thing that bummed me out about the fact that my 2 month holiday was cut down to only a mere 8 days in JB was because i didn't get to spend enough time with my mum. Rase like dah lame tak cakap2 with her and i was missing her. So when her time in KL coincided with my quarantine moments, it was truly perfect timing :). Alhamdullilah.